No More

   *Possible Trigger- This story depicts very graphic descriptions of domestic violence. I wrote this because October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and there are countless people living in situations like this, their homes are battle zones never knowing when the next strike will happen. It is not as simple as just being done with your situation, saying you are done is the first step, but you have to have a safety plan to get yourself and your children free from the abuser. It is never okay to tell a person living in this situation to "Just leave", you don't know the threats and the control the abuser holds over them. It is important to develop a safety plan, the most dangerous time for a person in a domestic violence situation is when they are trying to get out. If you know someone in this situation there are resources that can help, call your local domestic violence shelter for information on filing protection orders, safe places for the victims to go, and how to report to the police, if the individual wishes to do so, the last thing they need is you to pressure them. Spread the word, no one deserves to live like this. 

     She freezes in bed as she hears the front door open, silently praying he won't come into the bedroom. She can hear the footsteps coming closer the footsteps stop at the door, as her heart begins to race she looks at the child sleeping beside her, holds her breath, and closes her eyes. She prays as she starts to shake that he will turn away when he sees them sleeping as the door opens, she hears his breathing, and can feel his eyes on her, but as the seconds pass and he doesn't enter she begins to believe that everything is going to be okay. As her heartbeat begins to slow, thinking that on this night they will be safe she feels the hands grab her ankles and drag her to the floor. 
     As she is pulled to her feet she can smell the whiskey on his breath, and she knows the chances of her talking him down are slim to none. In the nicest, calmest voice she can manage she asks if they can go into the other room to let their child sleep. She sees his glassy eyes dart over at their son and flash back at her, and in that moment she can see who she is dealing with, there will be no reasoning tonight, the man that has any love for her left in his heart isn't there. Stumbling, he drags her into the other room, and the only hope she can hold onto in her heart is that her son will sleep through whatever this dark night will bring.
     Before she knows it her back is against the wall as he screams at her for some wrong he believed she committed against him that night. He is so close that as he screams the warmth of his whiskey scented breath is all over her face. She repeats the same thing over and over again, 'Don't cry". Crying makes him angry, fear makes him smile, and she won't allow him the satisfaction.  She manages to stop herself from flinching as his hand hits the wall inches from her face, only making him angrier. In the bravest voice she can find she tells him to "back off". He steps back for a moment, taking in what she just dared to speak to him, he almost laughs before whispering in her ear that she is a 'worthless whore', then leaned back and spit in her face. 
    She's had enough and pushes back, trying to free herself from the wall. For a second there is hope when, in his drunken state he falls backwards. She runs, the phone can't be that far away and he is probably too drunk to catch her. Unfortunately for her he didn't stumble far enough before catching his balance, and he is quick enough to catch up. She feels her head jerk back as he grabs her pony tail, pulling her back to him, and with no effort at all he slams her back against the wall. She can't catch her breath as the tears begin to pour down her face.
     "Awwww, something wrong, gonna cry like a little b***h now"? he says as he has his body against her, trapping her to the wall. She fights back, the time to try to calm him has long passed, and the idea of letting him touch her makes her fight back vomit.
     She pushes back against him with all her weight and he stumbles back, but this time all he had to do was take a step and he was right back. Only this time his hands wrap around her neck as he pushes her back against the wall. She can feel his hands tighten as it becomes harder to breathe, her tears make it hard to see his face, but she can see the faint smile flash across his mouth as he watches her struggling to breathe. All the while he is reminding her that she is nothing without him, and maybe he should just kill he because she is worthless anyway. She fights, pushing him back and she feels his grip loosen and drops to her knees. As she crawls away he manages to grab her leg, and uses his weight to get her on her back. The last thing she can see before the impact and the blood pouring out of her face is his hand coming at her. He sees the blood, as he goes to reach back for another hit he sees their son standing in the door way, he simply just stands and smiles at the boy.
      He looks down to see her curled up on the floor broken, shaking, blood pooling from her face onto the carpet. Without any hesitation he says, "Get up and be a mother to your son". 
     She is crying and shaking, as he walks past all she does is flinch hoping he isn't coming to kick her.  She is trying to catch her breath as her little boy walks up to her and holds out his milk cup. With everything she has she takes the cup and smiles at her son, trying to reassure him that everything is ok, when in her heart she knows that nothing is.
     As the water in the bathroom sink turns red she is able to see the damage to her face. For the first time she sees what he did, no excuses, no justifications for why she deserved it, not this time. She wonders how long her son stood there with his cup before anyone knew? Did he see his father throw his mommy against the wall, did he watch mommy struggle for air as daddy choked her, hit her? She can't let her baby grow up in a battle zone anymore, there is no saving his father, no changing him. She realizes that she won't survive many more nights like this, and she can't live the rest of her life in fear every time the front door opens. She wipes the tears from her face, looks up at her broken reflection, and repeats just two words....

                                   "NO MORE"